You will try to be
the kind of man you never were.
You will leave early every morning
kissing her goodbye smiling
Once you will turn your back,
your eyes will close
you will start breathing real air
your lungs will fill up with the relief of distance
like you did so many times before.
In the evenings you will seat on the couch
answering the small talk and painless chat about harmless topics
the weather tomorrow,
an earthquake somewhere far away, maybe,
your absent part echoing whatever she says, you don't care
You will talk as if nothing happens
playing your role so perfectly
you can deceive anyone now.
The weekends will be harder,
all day at home is too difficult to handle
You will be tired and lonesome
all the muscles in your body will beg you to stop
Breakfast, lunch, dinner
always at the same time
at the same table
Saturdays, long walks out, anywhere
hardly ever alone
because she doesnt trust you anymore,
even when you are alone
Sundays, the same monotonus rhythm
just before going to bed
you will catch yourself wandering
"what would have happened if..."
you will gain again your so called "determination"
and you will have to smile
to show you have changed
into the man you never were...